Oh, the trepidation I felt about finally doing this.
That mess of paper in my monstrous recycling bin represents thousands of dollars of education that I did nuthin' with.
For several years before V was born, I was going to night school. I had this notion that I might like to change careers and work in the more lucrative oil and gas field. I kept dragging my tired self to school after work at night, dreaming of a fatter paycheque. Geez, a couple of years and several thousand dollars into it I started to realize that what I was studying was Bo-ring. Panic seized me then. What should I do? Should I drop out? What about all that money I spent? Indecisive, I kept showing up for school and studying for exams. I graduated two weeks before V was born. Then I stayed home to mother the kids for a long while. Back in September I took a full time job back in my old haunts (totally unrelated to anything Big-Fat-Paycheque). Ack! The oil-related job I studied for would mean staring at files and contracts all day long. I could not imagine me doing that day after day after day. But I held onto so many binders filled with my notes, lectures, etc. before I worked up the courage to admit to myself that I'd never be opening them again. I suppose I'm hardly alone in "wasting" all that money on a career I'll never use. At least I'm fortunate enough to have an Option B. Maybe I should laugh that I'm finally getting to know myself. Or should I cry about my measly take home pay that is half-gone once I pay for daycare each month? I do some of both.
On the other hand, I actually like the work I do now. Commuting to work and having another "full time job at home" after 5 o'clock is something I struggle to come to terms with. My first client in the door this morning started her sentence with "My boyfriend and I have been living in a tent..." (who can live in a tent in winter in Canada?) My last client of the day had nowhere warm to go at 4 pm. By 4:30 we'd fixed her up with a winter coat and a pair of running shoes to replace her flip flops in the snow and had a taxi waiting to take her to a shelter for the night. In between those two, there were people being foreclosed on or evicted, or needing child support, or having their day in court. I enjoyed dealing with every one of them more that I would enjoy spreading out an Oil and Gas Lease on my desk for the afternoon. I dream someday the girls will forgive me for the shiny new car we'll never afford. At least I'll have my sanity. I think :)
(one more scream of frustration at the sight of the lid closing on my useless homework)