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02 May 2010

What Not to Make

(also entitled Stuff I've Screwed Up. Badly.)
When I first started browsing blogs last year, I had some serious craft-envy. Everything everyone else made looked so damned nice. But here's the thing - not all projects go as planned. Case in point:

1. Okay, the whole point of spending $16.99 a metre for this fabric was so I could admire the pretty ladies - then I go and stitch through their brains and hairdos. The lack of symmetry with the hem isn't winning any points either.

2. Ooooh, I'll make myself a dress. Recognize 'View B'? Me neither. Below is all I could salvage from the botched dress. There goes thirty bucks worth of linen.

3. No words.Okay, turns out there are words: beeswax crayon hell.


4. I had this idea to do a post called "Runs With Scissors", so one day after work we were going to the park and I slipped a camera and two pairs of shears into my purse. When I pulled them out and asked Mr. Dork to please make me look like Mrs. Scissorhands, all the parents at the park ushered their kids to safety. Really, how dangerous could I look in that fabulous coat?


5. I don't have a photo, but lemme create a visual for you: 15 years ago my husband was volunteering at a pioneer themed event and he needed an authentic Charles Ingalls-looking costume. "I'll whip one right up" I must have promised, but like all good procrastinators I left it until midnight the night before. Thank god he didn't have time to try it on before the big show. The shirt practically had three sleeves, and the pants. Oh, the pants. Take a look at your fly - about 1.5 inches wide, right? The fly on the pants I made was at least four inches wide. Everyone at the show kept staring at his man-parts and giggling. I didn't quite hem both pantlegs the same length either, but I think the fly substantially distracted from that little gaffe.

You live, you learn.

17 comments:

Agi said...

Oh I'm giggling so hard. Been there done that. I made a top for my daughter yesterday, she told me it makes her look like a grandmother. She is 10. Sigh. Back to the drawing board!

Jaimie said...

Great post! I love that you paraded these out for all to see. I get serious craft envy every time I open my Google Reader. I can't tell you the number of times the vision in my mind has not matched the end product when I've tried to make something.

Oh, and to Agi above--I recently made three fabric-covered stretched canvases as wall decor for the living room. I hung them, and when my almost-four-year old came home, she said "They're not very pretty or fancy."

Uhh......thanks.

Teri said...

I love that you share your imperfection...because I get that serious craft-envy too! :)

jess said...

LOL! giggling at my computer about the charles ingalls pants and running with scissors, hilarious!

marbiggs said...

you made my night!

Susan said...

Nice to hear that we are not alone in the world! It's so disappointing when a good project goes wrong, but usually it's salvageable in some fashion, right?

I love that scissors shot!

Cathy said...

Thanks, I needed that laugh right now! I appreciate your ability to poke fun at yourself. You are so talented that even your gaffs made for fun reading!

Laurie Anne said...

That's hilarious! It's nice to know that nobody is perfect :) but one thing I have noticed is that for every ONE botched creation, there are 1/2 a dozen amazing pretties that you manage to whip up.

Anne Maskell said...

Ohhh! I'm NOT the only one! Thanks for sharing and making me feel sooo much better!

Melissa said...

Bravo mama. I haven't the chutzpah to parade nmy craft fails yet. and there have been a few. The beeswax crayons was awesome, made my day...well that and the giant pioneer crotch story :D

Attilio said...

oh C, thank u thank u thank u, for giving us all a good laugh, for being so honest, and for being you, a great person with many wonderful talents.
becky

inday_adin said...

I too get crafty envy everytime I go and visit other blogs. I wish I am that good as them as well. I always blame myself for not listening to my mom and not asking her to teach me how to sew better. All the things I learned are from watching her only.

Your story is hilarious. I think with sewing, it takes a lot of time, planning and patience. I did so many mistakes sewing my apron today and I can't believe that a simple apron design kept me for a long time trying to figure things out. Glad it turned out well. You sure learn things a lot.

Tina said...

It is so good to look back on our mistakes and find them funny :) As someone that finds following directions difficult (because I usually just jump in with both feet), I make my fair share of mistakes. I like to think it makes me a better crafter, because I know know what NOT to do :)

Also, there is a website called craftfail.com where you can post your failed crafts for others to learn from. Haven't posted yet, but plan to in the future.
Kristina
http://www.kaotickrafter.blogspot.com

Sally said...

That is so funny... really really funny. I have a great visual of the four inch fly & people staring. Hillarious.

Amy said...

That's hilarious. Reminds me of when I learned to crochet. Instead of a square it turned out to be completely round. It's seems that every project I do never turns out as planned but I seem to turn it into something usable.

K.D. Mullen said...

You are my hero.

Amanda said...

Oh my gosh! I just stumbled onto your blog today and I'm howling with laughter. This post was too funny. It was when I got to #4 and #5 that I lost it. "Scissorhands" picture is killing me!!!!! And the description of the Charles Ingalls outfit. Hahaha! You are awesome.

P.S. Love your blog now and will be back. Great tutorials! :)